An Open Letter to The Geese of Fort Collins

Does it have to be said? Anyone living in Fort Collins, especially around campus, has been a victim of the siege of geese who have invaded our town, whether it be stepping in geese droppings, being chased around campus, or falling prey to their evil schemes.

Just the other day I walked out of my apartment to embrace the sunny Colorado day, only to be greeted by the hiss of two large geese acting as custodians to their goslings. Now, this should not be an issue: however, there was no clear path around the patrol of geese and my car. I dreaded the inevitable conflict that was about to arise. I stowed my bravery and took my first step.

Immediately, the sentinels began their intimidation tactics, hissing and lowering their heads. Now, I'm no geese expert, but I did watch a video one time on how to scare a bear. With that in mind, I raised my arms and told the geese to move their goslings along. To my surprise and relief, the terror before me routed and cleared the way. 

I am not the only one to fall victim to the grey feathered devils. I will never forget seeing some poor college student experiencing a nasty crash after having to avoid a meandering goose on campus. My friend fell victim to an aerial bombardment the other day, being hit on our walk around campus west. 

My fellow Coloradans, what are we to do? How will we fight off this invasion of epic proportions? I do not have the answers. I fear there's nothing we can do. So stay vigilant, watch your back at all times. You never know when the geese will strike.

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