Picking the worst rock tattoos is no easy task. For one thing, it's hard to pick on people so dedicated to music. Sure, band T-shirts and bumper stickers are cool, but nothing shows your love of and dedication to a band quite like getting inked. Getting your favorite artist's name, song title or lyric inked on your body can be quite an awesome experience. But, you also run the risk of ending up with a terrible image branded on your body forever. Without further ado, we present to you Ultimate Classic Rock's tally of the 10 Worst Rock Tattoos:
Now here's a brilliant idea. It can get pretty tiresome, always having to yell out requests for this classic jam at every concert you attend. So this guy got “FREE BIRD” inked on his fingers, right below his knuckles. Next time he's at a gig and wants to hear a Skynyrd cover, all he has to do is raise his arms triumphantly up in the air with his knuckles facing out at the band and Bam! Instant request!
Quick quiz: Who's on Mount Rushmore? If you said John Lennon, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Curly of 'The Three Stooges' and Frank Zappa, do we have the tattoo for you! Actually, if that was your answer, there's a good chance that you already have this tat and are embarrassed and/or p—ed off that it's immortalized on this list. In that case, we actually think this tattoo is badass and the fact that it's on here is some sort of mistake. We're taking it off right now, as you read this. We promise!
If there's any place and time in the world that this dude can pull off showing this tat — and we're still not really sure there is — it's here (the the site of late AC/DC singer Bon Scott's grave in Perth, Australia) and now (a memorial service on the anniversary of Scott's tragic 1980 death from alcohol poisoning). That said, the next biggest tragedy (forgive us) going on is the tattoo itself, which … well, look it at. 'Nuff said.
From the Land of Ice and Snow!
It certainly was nice of this dude to make his little brother feel good about the collage for Led Zeppelin's 'Immigrant Song' he drew during kindergarten art class, but he really didn't have to go get it inked on his chest to drive the point home. Seems like overkill to us. True, they're doing amazing things with laser tattoo removal these days, but it still ain't cheap.
Remember that brief period after Michael Jackson got all that plastic surgery on his face that made him look alien and he decided to take over for the late, great Jim Morrison, fronting one of the most notorious rock bands of all time? Neither do we. Luckily, this guy took one for the team and got a tattoo to commemorate this short, forgotten era in classic rock history. You haven't lived until you've heard MJ's version of 'Light My Fire.'
This expansive back calamity is in tribute to Bob Seger's five-times-platinum 1980 platter 'Against the Wind,' but it reminds us of Budweiser's Clydesdale horses. Which is weird because Seger's backing band is, of course, the Silver Bullet Band, and the Silver Bullet is also the nickname for Coors Lite, a major Budweiser competitor. Which you shouldn't be drinking when you drive a Chevy pick-up truck, which Seger's 'Like a Rock' shilled for seemingly forever. What's our point? The best thing about bad back tattoos is that you never have to look at them if they are yours.
Of course you've heard about the early-'80s Van Halen backstage rider that demanded a bowl on M&Ms with all the brown ones removed. But did you know about the three fifths of Jack Daniels Black Label bourbon, two fifths of Stolichnaya vodka and one pint of Southern Comfort also on their daily rider? That's what this guy was getting into before he went to the tattoo parlor.
The Bob Marley Experience
This one is actually a pretty sweet ink job — if only it was of the right person! We're all about memorializing the greatest guitarist ever to walk the face of the Earth, and of course Bob Marley was a “poet and a prophet,” as Anthony Kiedis once sang. But take your pick and go with one or the other, because this combination tattoo just doesn't work. It's like mashing up 'Hey Joe' and 'I Shot the Sheriff' — sooner or later, you're gonna get caught.
This guy probably acts like a scalp tattoo is a bold move, but we all know once he gets sick of having Freddie Mercury's words on the side of his head, he'll just grow his hair out and pretend it never happened. In fact he'll probably let it grow all shaggy with a beard and start listening to indie bands nobody's heard of and deny he ever even liked 'Bicycle Race' — which actually goes along with Freddie was saying perfectly. If you don't see it darling, then it's gone.
We heard it through the grapevine that this is supposed to be (no joke) 'Kiss as Mr. Potato Heads.' No way — they're clearly California Raisins. Not only are they doing the little CR shuffle, but also have you ever tried to put Kiss makeup on a potato? Impossible! But seriously, everybody knows not even brown M&Ms would hang out with root vegetables, let alone idolize them. All of which distracts us from what should be the main question here: WTF?!